That's why you're holding onto half of my heart
by just giddy
Summary: totally belated vday gift. KBFW oneshot songfic. LONG ONESHOT off of matt kearney's 'take a bullet for you'. katie goes back through time, revisiting old escapades and current ones that still need completing.


**Hahaha, this is called 'what happens when I try a songfic even though it's considered illegal these days'….but if you won't tell I won't either but if anyone reports me, gets my account frozen, I will personally rally a group of angry reviewers and make sure you can never be spotted on this site without constant bombardment. So be warned. And also be warned that this may turn out disastrous. And that I bumped Katie up a year because it makes it easier on me because I don't feel like writing about the whole damn necklace thing.**

Sitting on the edge of her bed in her small flat, 21 year old Katie Bell pulled her knees to her chest as she stared at the picture on her nightstand. The Kenmare Krestal knew she owed the ginger haired man in the photo more than she could repay him. She smiled as the two teenage figures lazily walked down a street in Hogsmeade as the snow fell lightly around them while he wrapped his scarf around her neck and giving her a small kiss on her temple at the same time.

Fred Weasley was an amazing man and an even more amazing friend. Through the years he had always been her rock of support or a soft cushion to fall against or a funny remark to cheer her up, whichever the occasion called for. With all that he had given her she wished she could do half of that for him.

The past few years had not been easy for Katie Bell and she knew that without Fred she might still be caught up in it.

**

* * *

**

_When I was down for the count, falling out of the commission  
I can still hear your voice screaming out, 'belle, listen'  
Get on up, don't give up, though you struck opposition_

**_Katie's Sixth Year:_**

"That god damn son of a bitch and a bastard!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she stalked out of the common room with a magazine clutched in her hand. "Oh but wait, he _loves_ me-GOD DAMN HIM!" she headed towards the kitchens where she hoped to gain some comfort food.

"Kates?"

She spun on her heel to see Fred Weasley turning around a corner towards her.

"HE'S A BASTARD!"

"I knew that was you're lovely vocabulary," he mused upon reaching her, looking dishelmed and ruffled as ever "But who's a bastard?"

"OLIVER GOD DAMN ALBAN FUCKING WOOD!" she screamed, holding the magazine in front of his face.

" 'Ziggy's Zit Zolution' " the seventh year read off the cover, before looking around it to quirk an eyebrow at her "Since when does Wood have acne. I thought he got rid of that in his third year."

"He did the little fucker!" she spat as she pointed to another caption on the cover, "Read THAT! I KNEW this would happen-he's hardly been writing!"

Fred rolled his eyes with a small smile and a sigh before he read what she was pointing to with a nail bitten finger, " 'Wizarding World's Most Eligible Bachelor Hooked by Lovie'…Who the hell is Lovie?" with an angry huff Katie flipped through the magazine until she reached the article, related pictures and all. "Oh," he said, "I didn't know she was going out with Wood…" it dawned on him as her angry features slowly melted. "Oh Kates, I'm sorry."

That's when she broke. She didn't want to start heaving sobs in the middle of a corridor, she wanted to be mad at the Scotsman as long as it took until she was able to make sure he would never have kids.

"Kates," he said coaxingly as he took her into his arms, letting her heave against him. "Kates, it's ok. It's going to be alright-"

"-he promised me Fred!" she sobbed, looking up at him with tears rolling down her sun-freckled cheeks. "He said no matter what-"

"I know, Katie-my-Belle, I know," he muttered, stroking her back. "I-"

"He said he would wait for me!"

"I'm sorry Kates-"

"-I should've listened to you," she sniffled, "You were right. You-"

"Kates-listen, I wasn't right," he pointed out. "I said it would bring nothing but trouble-"

"-And it has!"

"Only recently," he corrected, "I've never seen you as happy as you were with him."

"But he-"

"I know."

She let out a long sigh, the tears only starting to vanish as her anger returned. He continued to stroke her back as she rested her head at the base of his neck.

"I'm sorry Kates," he said after a long while, rocking back and forth slightly. "But you're a tough girl, don't let him get-cha."

She pulled away and wiped the her green eyes with embarrassment. "Thanks Fred."

"Don't worry about," he smiled encouraging as he draped an arm around her shoulders. "How 'bout I fix you up something to eat?"

"You can't cook," she protested weakly.

"No," he agreed, "But how hard could it be? Mum does it all the time."

Katie let out a small laugh as he tickled the pear and she wiped away what she promised would be the last tear over _him. _

* * *

So maybe it hadn't been the last of the tears. Maybe she had spent a good month sulking and rampaging over the Scotsman. Maybe half of the school avoided her during those times. 

Thinking back Katie couldn't exactly pinpoint her revelation and forgottence of her old boyfriend but she knew it came from the help of Fred Weasley. He would always pull her out of her little moods and the only one he couldn't was the one that lingered after he left. She was sour over his escape until the next Hogsmeade weekend where he surprised her in the Three Broomsticks. Unlike Oliver Wood he had kept his promise to write and see her every Hogsmeade weekend until she graduated.

But there had been a time when no one was sure she would see that day. With Fred and the rest of the old gang gone and landed in a hospital for most of the year, Katie spent most of her last year wallowing with what she thought where her dying dreams and hopes.

* * *

_Yesterday I was sitting  
__trying ta' reminiscing  
Trying to remember whenever there was nobody listening  
Before the hugging and the kissing, the booing and the hissing_

_**Katie's seventh year:**_

"So tell me again," Katie said slowly to the ginger haired man sitting in the chair next to her hospital bed. "Who are you?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you," he smirked, "Remember?"

"No, I don't," she said bluntly, "You must've read my chart that I have a 'loss of memory'."

"Is that what it says?"-she nodded slowly- "Well then you're remembering something."

"Too bad it's only one something that's a bad reminder of something I can't really remember."

He slid down in the visitor's seat, "Does that make any sense?"

"A better question would be whether or not I can remember my point."

"Stop messing around Katie," he laughed, "The healer told me you just can't remember anything before your admission and your short term memory is just a bit on the fritz."

Her brow furrowed as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "Ben did?"

"See, you remember his name," he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, "So why the hell can't you remember mine?"

"Because…hmmm…" she mused over the thought, trying desperately trying to remember the man at her side. But all she could dig up were echoes of old laughs. Not a name to be found. "I don't know why I don't remember. Or maybe I just don't remember why I forgot."

"Stop playing around with words Katie-my-Belle," he laughed.

"Katie-my-Belle?" she repeated, her ski slope nose scrunching up a bit. "But only Fred called me that…" she moved onto her knees and stared at him intently as he bent over so his elbows were resting on his knees. She leaned forward, messed up his red hair and watched as his nose scrunched up, just like she knew it would. "Fred?"

"Katie?" he smirked.

"Fred is that you?"

"No, it's George," he said sarcastically.

"Oh."

"I was being sarcastic," he laughed but stopped when he realized she was still staring at him blankly. "Guess we're going to have to get you to remember that too, hu Kates?"

"Fred!" she laughed, launching off her knees to fling her arms around his neck. "I can't believe I forgot! Oh Fred…" she laughed into his shoulder.

"It's nice to see you too Kates," he murmured into her hair, returning the hug warmly. "And please don't ever give me a heart attack again, ok?"

"Ok," she laughed lightly, "I missed you…" she muttered, enjoying the faintly familiar, comforting protection she felt.

"How can you Kates?" he chuckled, "You can hardly remember what day it is."

"I know," she smiled as she reluctantly pulled away, "It's just-"

"GET BACK IN BED BELL!" Katie's healer Ben called from the doorway as he passed by.

"I am in bed!" she cried.

"IN NOT ON!"

She rolled her eyes before sliding back under the sheets. "So…" she looked back at the redhead man, "Tell me all the stories Ben would probably yell at me for listening to."

Fred laughed, "No, it wouldn't be the same. The memory's come back soon enough," he added at her half-hearted scowl. "But I'll tell you all about the stupid things George has done lately."

She smiled at the compromise, "Fair enough."

He smiled back before going into his rendition of the past few weeks. He told her how George was still trying to get the guts to ask Alicia to move in with him. And how everytime she walked through the door he would fall off his chair. Apparently it got so bad now that anytime anyone of the female race walked trough the door he would twitch. The redhaired man got a kick out of this and continued with the retelling of his escapades while she was down for the count for the next hour.

"Hey Fred?"

"Hey Kates?"

"Who's George?"

**

* * *

**

She smiled into her pillow she had drawn up. Fred had visited her everyday. He blew off work like he used to blow off classes. He was there the whole time and didn't run off as she neared her release as she grew more and more insecure.

She had been convinced she wouldn't be able to graduate with all the work she had missed. And even if she managed to pass even a few of her NEWT's how would she ever get to play Quidditch professionally. He stuck by her though, giving her the much needed ego boost to get back on her feet and back into classes and eventually on a professional team.

**

* * *

**

_Remember when we used to flow together back in the park  
You would slang sarcastic licks under stars in the dark  
I was holding on to hope but hardly holding a spark_

_**Katie's second year out of school**_

"God damn, fucking, pain in the ass war."

"Well that's nice Kates."

Katie groaned as she fell back against the grass, next to the twenty year old man in the Burrow's backyard. "I finally getting a starting spot and what do they do?"

"Suspend the league-"

"-They suspend the league!" she said over him, scowling at the dusky sky. She rabbed a fist full of grass and pulled it out of the ground easily.

"You know a that could've been a poor ladybugs home," Fred pondered out loud.

"Well then your fat ass is crushing a worms house."

"Low blow Bell," he said with amusement and the once-blonde-now-brunette once-girl-now-self-proclaimed-woman groaned again. "C'mon Katie-my-Belle, you'll be playing again in no time."

She rolled over onto her stomach, now taking advantage of their closeness by burying her head into his shoulder and admitting another loud groan, "I hate this fucking war."

The redhead sighed, putting the same arm around her and resting a chin ontop of her head, "We all do kiddo."

"I'm only 1 year younger than you," she pointed out, muffled by his capable shoulder. She slowly lifted her head, and looked at him with a slightly furrowed brow, her jaw set.

"What?" he asked, confused on what he could've done wrong this time.

"Since when did you become Mr. Maturity?"

He laughed heartily but she considered it a rather serious question and rolled her green eyes before letting her head fall back onto his shoulder.

Staring back up at the sky, he watched as the stars slowly became visible in the darkening autumn sky. He felt Katie give a small shiver as she moved onto her side so she could lay in the crook of his arm properly while a crisp breeze swept through.

"You cold?" he asked, "We could go back inside. Desert's probably almost on the table anyway…."

"Nah…." she yawned "I'm good."

"Good."

She laughed lightly, closing her eyes while his still watched the stars push thorough the orange clouds. She held her breath for a moment as she paused, "You think the war'll be over soon?"

He cocked his neck to look and see she was craning hers to look at him with pleading eyes. "I don't know. I don't think anyone does." she pushed her mouth to one side of her face, a very odd face indeed. "I miss your blonde hair," he said, idly picking up a lock and letting it fall back again over and over again. "I can't believe you let mom dye it. I didn't know you were so passive."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes, "Your mom is so hypocritical, you know that? Does she not realize her children have flaming red hair?-"

"-I'm sure she's noticed by now-"

"-correct me if I'm wrong," she said, squirming to a position where she wouldn't have to strain her neck so much, "but doesn't red hair stick out in a crowd far more than blonde?"

"Hmm…." he mock-stroked his chin, "Possibly, but you know how Death Eaters claim to be so bloody smart?" she nodded, "You you'd think they'd hate dumb people, right?" she nodded again, confused on what he was getting too though, "So they probably have got marks for dumb blondes."

She punched him in the side lightly, "Oh har-har."

He smiled crookedly at her as she moved back, putting her brown head on his chest. "Fucking war," she muttered, her eyes closing again and his eyes once again staring at the now-dark sky.

* * *

The pair's friendship over the next few months would be tested like never before. 

But as the magnitude of the war strengthen, the bond between them only continued to parallel it's strength.

Katie sometimes wondered why in the name of Godric they had both decided to join the order three years back. It only put them through more hurt than should've been allowed. Both physically as Fred had to be hospitalized for two days and emotionally as they had lost more friends and family members than they had ever imagined.

* * *

_You cared enough to call my bluff through the junk from the start  
That's why you're holding onto half of my heart  
You've been there through the times, through the nights that were dark  
_

_**Last year**_

Sitting in the kitchen of Grimwald Place, now-20 year old Katie Bell stared into her mug of tea blankly. She felt a tear run down her sun kissed face yet still felt nothing. She felt the emptiness of the kitchen so early in the morning, the crisp feel of the letter in her hand that she had received last night, but nothing inside her.

She watched the tear roll from the corner of her eye to the old table only a foot beneath her. Glancing at the mug cupped between her Quidditch calloused hands, she realized she hadn't taken one sip and yet it was stone cold. Yet she still held onto it, lacing her fingers around it tightly, needing any warmth that it could give.

"Kates?"

As if her Quidditch reflexes went on vacation, she responded to the voice moments later. Looking up with murky green eyes she caught sight of brilliant red hair. If that was enough she let her eyes fall back down to her cold cup of tea with a paralleled shiver.

"Hi Fred…" she murmured as he sat down next to her on the old bench, a leg on either side.

"What's up Kates?" he asked, concern lacing his voice as brown eyes peered at her.

She looked up with a small and fake crooked smile, "Nothing."

He raised an eyebrow at her skeptically. "Don't pull that shit with me."

Her shoulders slumped lifelessly with a sigh as her eyes mechanically traveled to the letter now halfway hidden beneath her mug. He followed her gaze and her reflexes failed her again as he made a grab for it. She had barely started to moved when the freckled man began to read it.

She saw his big brown eyes look up at her with nothing less than the deepest sympathy and love. He placed a steady hand over the one she had let fall to the table, and she listened to the silent command that pulled her eyes towards him.

"I'm so sorry Kates," he said softly, usual animated eyebrows dipped upwards.

She gaped, searching for words though none came, "I…I….I don't feel anything," she finally stuttered. "I'm numb."

"You're crying."

"I know."

"You never cry."

"Not anymore," she protested, turning towards him, "I used to fight all emotions so I didn't cry. Now they just…come…but I don't feel anything. It's like Quidditch, it's become second nature. I don't feel."

Feeling a pang of hurt and defiance, Fred pulled her close to him. Wrapping his freckled arms around her like a blanket, he pulled her shoulders to his chest, letting her rest her head under his chin.

"Feel that?" he asked.

"You mean the lack of air?" her usual humor returning slowly.

He ducked his head next to her ear, "Don't ever say you can't feel," he whispered in a tired raspy voice, "If you can't feel that means your dead. and I won't let you leave me here alone."

With a deep breath, her shoulders began to shudder and heave with a new wave of tears that were far too real for her liking.

* * *

Katie continued to stare at the picture in front of her. Percy had taken the picture of them, determined to find some blackmail on his brother. She felt the back of her eyes start to sting as she realized he never got to use it. After his death, Fred had gone through some of his stuff and found it, squished between an old, stained photo of Penelope Clearwater and an old report of cauldron bottoms. Fred said those three things were undeniably 'Percy'. Though Katie never really like the guy-even when he had realized his mistake of siding with the ministry-she knew he was ineffably dear to Fred, despite the constant pranks. 

Fingering the frame Fred had incased it in, Katie smiled warmly. Fred had refused to keep the photo. No matter how many times she had owled it back, no matter how many times she 'accidentally' left it at his place, no matter how many times she slipped it into the pockets of his robes. After several thousand attempts to keep it permanently in his care, she finally accepted the fact that he would not accept any other outcome other than the one that she hold onto it. She had said that that was ridiculous. But as always, he had found a loophole in the system. On the back he had scribbled a note. How stupid it would have been to hold onto a photo with his handwriting on the back, addressed to her no less.

She didn't even have to slip it out from behind the thin glass to know what it read. Everytime he had returned to old photo to her she reread it.

_Katie-my-belle,_

_Call me strange, stupid or crazy. Either way I want you to have this. Your nose is scrunched up, but you're smiling too, like you are in the picture, aren't you? No need to deny it Kates-I know you far too well. And that's why I'm owling this too you…I think. Call it a thank you or a scapegoat from years of embarrassment delivered by anyone who might see this lying around . I can't have people thinking I've gone soft. The store would go into bankrupt. (no one wants to buy joke goods from a pansy-playing-tough.)_

_You're probably going to send this back to me after you read this but please don't. you're probably thinking it means more to me since ol' Perc' snapped it. But the once-blonde-now-brunette self-proclaimed-woman means far more to me._

_Hoping you know it's your dashing redhead by now,_

_Fred_

Slipping off her bed, Katie padded across her bedroom and was at full stride by the time she reached the door. She nearly glided over the cheap kitchen floor into the small entrance way. Wrenching open the closet door she pulled out a thick coat and an old Griffindor scarf-the gold and scarlet now faded.

Locking the front door behind her she marched out into the cold winter weather and down Diagon alley. A cold breeze blew by her, sending her scarf flying around her head. Pulling her coat around her tighter, she plowed on towards the brightly light shop at the end of the road.

As she neared she saw a familiar figure step out as the lights closed, locking the door with both wand and key. Jogging the last few yards she threw her arms around the neck of the ginger haired man from behind.

"Kates?" now 22 year old Fred laughed, looking over his shoulder at her momentarily as he slipped his wand and key back into the folds of his robes. She lightened her grip as he turned around to face her. "What are you doing here?"

She smirked the smirk that he had somehow managed to rub off on her as she looped an end of the long scarf around his neck. He rolled his eyes with a smile and a scoff-her last attempt to return the photo still present in his mind. "Kates-"

"It's cold out."

"Oh, that's what you call it?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm not taking it back for the last time."

"I know."

"Then what are you do-?"

She pulled on the scarf, bringing his mouth down on hers. After a moment his arms slipped around her waist-the shock apparently subsiding.

"Well I guess it is a tad cold out," he murmured thoughtfully.

_All I had was just a vision, all I had was my ambition  
Your love without condition kept me swinging when I'm missing_

**Well that totally didn't turn out how I planned and def not how i started….**

**By the way, the song is by matt Kearny and is called 'take a bullet for you' and I really didn't keep it in order with the verses at all. Basically I picked out a few lines that worked with the theme of the section. The idea for this had been rumbling over in the back of my head and for like a month I would write a few paragraphs here and there until I finally sat my ass down and finished it. haha haha. But yeah, still not too sure about the ending. But whatevs…and incase you were wondering my fav part is when they're sitting in the kitchen. Just incase you were wondering which im sure youre not so I have no idea why I said it.**

**Last part I promise: I want to dedicate this to my dear ash. Aka xx.just. she was my online valentine and ive been a very bad one by not getting this to her until now. She's such a great friend and a more than amazing author. Not to mention reviewer---she always gives me the best feedback even if she ignores the fact that not all my stuff is golden. Personally I think she just likes to give me a big ego. Ahahahaha. So yeah, thanks a bunch ash and I am SOOOO sorry to get this too you SOOO late. Totally my bad.**

**Okz, think that's it besides the part that this authors not could be a whole new story itself.**

**Lots o love!**


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